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Tag Archives: anxiety

Paradigm shift in Confidence Building

In one of my Campus 2 Corporate (C2C) programs, we had the following incident happen. As part of that session, everyone had to do a 3 minute presentation in front of the class. There was one guy, who came up to the front and just froze. He stood there staring for a while, and next minute he urinated on the floor. The FEAR !!! Call it what ever you want. This did create an upheaval and embarrassment for him and for the rest in the class. The cleaning ladies were called in to mop, clean and disinfect the floor. Subsequently, we proceeded with the segment, leaving the participant out on his presentation.  At the end of the day, I spent personal 1 on 1 time with the participant – asking if he wanted to overcome that anxiety, that fear, that embarassment, that, that, that endless list of Self Image concerns and issues. I also made it emphatically clear to him, there is a lot of work, and if he is prepared to dig into it for the outcome. His response was a resounding YES!!!

I laid out a POA.  (plan of action) – which he had to practice three times daily. In addition, worked on his steps to “Confidence builder exercise”. We will be covering that in the next segment of this course. The details will be disclosed there. Now he went and practiced on it. I meet with him once a month but talk to him over phone at least once a week. After six months of this intense work by the participant, this was the outcome….

Whilst I was conducting a “Change Management Program” (CMP) for the same company, with their senior management team, this guy knew that I was on campus, he came to the training room and knocked on the training room door and said I want to share an achievement that hapened this week Although I was in the middle of a session I took a few minutes off, as the other participants, in the CMP, was working on a case study exercise, and was briefed on his success.

On hearing the success of what he had done, I felt it appropriate for him to share his story to his superiors in the room. His triumph needed to be shared and recognized such that he could anchor on that for his future step up’s…. One of the seniors in the room was his immediate manager and that managers VP was also present. He got to share his success story.

For the last four months he was practicing on his presentation skills. He was a very good domain expert but interactive, networking and presentation skills were as low as a pregnant ant…

Early in that week, he did a solo presentation to his team in Pan India and the US. They said his presentation was fantastic and well summed with the key points for delivery, so much so, that they were going to table it to the tech committee in US, without any modification such that they could forward it on to the other stakeholders. So, as a payoff, I suggested he shared his success story to the group of managers present in the room, which he did, the managers were over the moon on such an achievement, in four months. His manager too substantiated the outcome by congratulating him and said the team and he had been to lunch as a reward for the effort.

I emphasized, this was a lesson for Mangers in the room too. Always understand the need for recognition…. “My nesting story to the primary story was – “Babies cry for recognition, adults will die for it.” We need to know how to caress, our teams for them to perform at a level better than where they currently are sitting

Now fast forward this story, 9 years –  that person today, is an Assistant VP of logistics with another organization and his confidence is say the least – Overflowing.

Have a Fabulous Day. Cheers David Nair

 

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Posted by on September 11, 2018 in IXL Personal Mastery

 

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Nelson Mandela – “Education the most powerful weapon”

mandela-415x479This quote from Nelson Mandela constantly rings in my mind when I am in front of participants and associates.

‘Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change, self, people around you and the world.’

The immediate response from many, when a question is asked of them or a comment made on some matter, and if they do not know or understand, their immediate response is, “I know it, I know it, and I know it”. The fear, others might know and that they do not know. The fear of what will others thinks of me? I do not what to be left behind…. Myriad of other reasons….flow out this concern.

One could ask what’s wrong if one does not know… its ok not to know is my response, there is no need to harbour that fear that people might not look up to them as much or that they might lose respect. To me that is a lot of hog wash… Unfortunately that is not the case, many get pepped up with anxiety and stomach hurt mancrunching and the look of embarrassment, with a feeling that “I wish I could hide under the carpet”. Now this would not fix the concern for that person….

In most cases this could be caused because of some prior baggage that they are carrying, their self-belief and deserve level, is at a notch or two below par. Their self-Image drop down and in some case lower than a pregnant ant.

With all this they start their reverse tornado cycle of them self, thereby causing a further drop on the traits mentioned above.

What is the solution…..? Very simple…. just accept the fact that we do not need to know everything. Knowledge only comes with the 3 E’s, exposure, experience & education.

So until that knowledge is achieved, one simply needs to say, I am sorry, can you please help me understand that concept. Or, please run that by me again. Very simple to say, but very hard to do…. I keep emphasizing ….. Practice this, practice this, practice this until it becomes second nature… Just like when we first started with the multiplication table…. But after zillion repetitions, when we were a kid, today, we vomit it out today without any worry. That is mastery. Practice makes it perfect.

Amazing how this simple turnaround is a massive fix for one’s confidence, self-esteem, belief factor and Deserve level.

Have fun love you guy’s David

 
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Posted by on October 26, 2013 in General, Uncategorized

 

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Expressing Your Hurt

    hurt face

Reflecting thoughts from recent issues that have come to the fore when working with people in different corporate positions…… Superior subordinate relationship, peer relationship, life relationship. For all off this, some basics, in approach, might help ease the pain. It is imperative to always remember, in such situations never, never, never should we argue, defend or justify one’s case. Instead we should try one’s best to have a, rapport built platform, for discussion. Here are my thoughts for “THE FEW”, who have asked on how to resolve such pain……. for the others, enjoy this slant on my perceptive to HURT……..

The surest way to become unhappy is to keep your hurt inside.

If there is a secret to mental health, this is it: tell the people who hurt you that they hurt you when they hurt you.

Hurt is the pain of the moment. Hurt is happening right now. Its cause is right in front of you. Hurt speaks for itself motivating you to limit your pain.

Anxiety is pain in the future. It may happen and then again, it may not. Anxiety inspires you to get out of the way of danger.

Withheld hurt turns into anger.

Anger helps you express your hurt by energizing you to protect yourself.

When you hold in hurt, you redirect your anger at yourself. Such inward anger is called guilt. It serves no positive purpose. It only makes you think of getting even, fills your head with bad thoughts, and erodes your self-confidence as you begin to doubt your goodness.

hurt words

Obviously the only anger that makes sense is still attached to the hurt that caused it.

You need to learn to express your hurt as it happens.

Telling someone how he or she hurt you can be risky, because the person who hurt you is probably someone you care about.

What if the other person calls you “oversensitive” or tells you that your hurt is unimportant and doesn’t take your feelings seriously?

If the other person doesn’t care about your feelings, he or she doesn’t care about you. The sooner you know this the better. Why waste more time?

What if the other person says he or she hurts you out of anger because of being hurt by you? It’s a good time to discover the truth, clear the air and become friends again.

What if the other person can’t remember hurting you or simply denies that the hurtful event ever took place?

He or she may be telling the truth, because most people do not hurt others intentionally. When you are silent it is sometimes hard for others to recognize that you have been hurt.hurt women

Expressing your hurt sometimes puts your love or friendship on the line. It always tests your love for yourself.

It is always the right thing to do in any relationship that you value.

Express your hurt as simply and as directly as possible when you first notice it.

Tell the other person how you were hurt. You can mention that you are angry but don’t display the anger or attack. That will only hurt the other person, who won’t be able to listen, making matters worse.

Whatever you do, don’t allow you’re hurt to age.

If you cannot express your hurt to another person, you cannot express your love, for anger blocks positive feelings.

If you value your love you need to express your hurt.

Holding in hurt is the way that love dies.

Meditative Statement:

“I show my hurt when I am hurt so I can feel love the rest of the time.”

Have an expressive happy journey……..   David Nair

 
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Posted by on March 20, 2013 in Emotional Intelligence

 

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